Admin, your website is hilarious. I check it daily ay work and at home, and always get caught, when people hear me giggling. My favorite photo from SKG Sleeping Through History is when he made it into the shot with Nixon and Elvis.
As a long-time member of the local legal community I remain astonished that the Powers That Be have allowed this clown to muck up our legal system as long as he has. If it were just a matter of the buffoon constantly passing out at inappropriate times, the situation would be nowhere near as dire. But through his idiocy, ignorance, and total apathy toward the indigent defendants he has sworn to protect, coupled with his compulsion to do absolutely everything as incorrectly as possible, and in a manner through which he may offend and anger as many people as possible, Sleeping Kevin Gough will bring the criminal legal system in the BJC to it’s knees; and I’m beginning to think that’s why he was placed into an office for which he is so obviously unqualified. God help us all.”
–An anonymous, concerned citizen, and fan of your blog.
“The verdict is in: I was 1000%…amazing.”
Good luck, Markie!!!! (But you’ll forgive us if we don’t bet money on you…)
Join us now, as we highlight some of Kevin Gough’s more impressive slumbers, and celebrate Sleeping Kevin Gough’s restful ride throughout history.
As always, this site remains a work in progress. In the words of the man himself “Rome wasn’t built in a day…Mmmkay?” Help us spread the wonder and excitement that is His Somnolence by keeping your eyes open and your cell phones at the ready, as you never know when you may encounter Sleeping Kevin Gough.
It seems throughout history that with the approach of each moment that defines what we, as human beings, truly are, comes along its side a lumbering, sluggish, giant of a man in a near-comatose state: Sleeping Kevin Gough.
Like an omnipresent snoring carbuncle on the ass of progress, Sleeping Kevin Gough has been a measuring stick of the importance of cultural events throughout human history.
As if to say “Look guys; I know this thing is important enough to show up at? But I ain’t committin’ to staying awake for the entire thing…*snortle*…Mmm-kay?” Sleeping Kevin Gough has reassured us all with his steady, unwavering presence. But in his typical sweet, self-deprecatory, shy-of-the-spotlight manner, Sleeping Kevin Gough unselfishly has turned the highlight reel of the annals of history into his own personal Sealy Posturpedic Memory Foam bassinet.
Join us now on a trip through our collective heritage with the inimitable, one-of-a-kind ogre with a heart of gold: Sleeping Kevin Gough.
(and shhhhhhh…don’t wake him! he’s precious when he sleeps!)
- 2/25/1964: As historic round three ended, Clay shouted to Liston “You big sucka, I got you now!” Sitting on the stool between rounds, Liston was breathing heavily. But not as heavily as Sleeping Kevin Gough…
- 8/28/1963: Dr. King says in reference to the abolition of slavery articulated in the Emancipation Proclamation: “It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.” “Long night?” replies SKG. “You ain’t just whistlin’ Dixie, brother…zzzzz”
- 1/20/1961: In JFK’s inauguration speech, he referred to dictators of the past, saying “…those who foolishly sought power by riding the back of the tiger ended up inside,” forecasting his intention to become a peaceful and just figure on the international scene. “Pshhhh…Get a haircut, hippy…zzzzzzz” replied an unimpressed SKG.
- 11/9/1989: Once it became clear that no one among the East German authorities would take personal responsibility for issuing orders to use lethal force, the vastly outnumbered soldiers had no way to hold back the huge crowd of East German citizens. At 10:45 p.m., the guards yielded, opening the checkpoints and allowing people through as Ossis were greeted by Wessis waiting with flowers and champagne and wild rejoicing. Soon therafter, a crowd of East Berliners jumped on top of the wall and danced together to celebrate their new freedom. “Reagan,” slobbered SKG. “Ronnie effin’ Reagan! You don’t mess with the damn Gipper, Mmm-kay? Hey, ‘zat Hasselhoff? Love me some Hasszzzzzzzz…”
- 10/23/1901: After falling asleep in a barrel after an especially scrumptious hot dog with relish and onions, upstate New York native Sleeping Kevin Gough becomes the first person to go over Niagra Falls, when a group of people who know him seize upon the serendipity of his mid-afternoon stupor, and, working together, hurl him over the edge. Upon waking nearly 17 minutes after being pulled from the remains of the barrel at the bottom of the Falls, SKG lets out a particularly rancid fart, chuckles, and says wryly “Mmmm…Somebody’s bakin’ brownies!” whereupon he stretches, rolls onto his other side, and promptly falls back to sleep for another 63 minutes.
- 10/3/1862: It was during Lincoln’s October 3rd visit to Sharpsburg after the battle of Antietam that Alexander Gardner took his famous photos of Lincoln and McClellan. After McClellan crossed back over the Potomac a month later, Lincoln replaced McClellan with Burnside. In Lincoln’s letter the evening of October 3 to the First Lady, he wrote “My Dear, upon seeing one particular corporal in a tent, slumped over in an unsettling trancelike somnolence, I am convinced that this transition must occur immediately if the union is to survive this bloody, hellish conflagration; of this I am convicted One-Thousand Percent.”
- 1959: A full day’s shooting schedule is ruined when, on a tour of the MGM Studios in sunny California, a drowsy Kevin Gough climbs into an empty chariot and falls asleep. Shockingly, the chariot race ends in a photo-finish, with Charlton Heston’s Arabian steeds barely nosing out the Lipizzan horses piloted in absentia by SKG. Said Heston “I must admit, I’m somewhat impressed by that young man’s pig-headed stubborness. Even after the race was over, we had the time of our lives prying the reins of the horses from that fool’s cold, dead hands.” In an historical footnote, second place would be, by far, the best finish SKG would ever muster in a race against any political figure.
- 9/9/1969: Hendrix remarked “We want our sound to go to the soul of the audience, and see if it can awaken some little thing in their minds…’Cause there are so many sleeping people.”
- 9/4/1962: A session at EMI’s Abbey Road Studios in London under the direction of George Martin yielded a recording of “Love Me Do”with newly-hired Ringo Starr replacing Pete Best at the drum kit. But a dissatisfied Martin hired legendary jazz drummer Sleepin’Kevin Gough for the band’s next session a week later, which produced recordings of “Love Me Do,” “Please, Please Me,” and “P.S., I Love You…Mmm-kay?” Sleepin’Kevin’s minimalist drumbeats and complete lack of rhythm nearly won Martin over for good; alas, he and the boys eventually chose Starr. “Ringo’s not the greatest drummer in the world, but bloody Hell, at least he can stay awake!” Lennon said of Starr.
- 6/6/1787: “Alright, guys…I know that everybody is worried about due process, and equal protection, yadda, yadda, yadda…what we have to do to capture the hearts and minds of the people is saturate them with media…Mmm-kay?!
- First, we’re gonna round up all of the town criers, and give them all daily talking points. Next: Franklin, you’ve got that printing press? I’m gonna need wall-to-wall coverage. Mmm-kay? Jefferson, listen up! I’m gonna need you to look into inventing social media. We’ll hit’em on the Facebook! We’ll Twat ‘em on the Tweeter! We’ll…Zzzzzzz…”
- 1919: Motivated by a dislike of club owner Charles Comiskey (perhaps the second-worst boss to work for in United States history) the Chicago White Sox baseball team (more commonly referred to now as “The Black Sox”) conspired to throw the 1919 World Series. Shoeless Joe Jackson, the Sox’s star left fielder, denied his involvement in the fix until the day he died, but was nonetheless banned for life from baseball. Shoeless Joe hit for a Series-leading .375 batting average – including the Series’ only home run – threw out five baserunners, and handled 30 chances in the outfield with no errors. Third baseman Sleeping Kevin Gough went 0-22 at the plate, with 22 Ks, and made 37 errors in the field, though he did set a World Series record that stands to this day by being hit by a pitch 13 times.
- 1492: Columbus wrote in his journal “For the execution of the voyage to the Indies, I did not make use of mathematics, maps, or intelligence.” SKG: “No intelligence? Hey! I — Zzzzz…”
- Ancient Navajo Wisdom: “You cannot wake the man who only pretends to be sleeping.” Further Navajo Wisdom: “But this Fool ain’t pretending. The ground shakes angrily at his apnea-induced thunderous snores.”
- 1440 B.C.: Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your male servant, or your female servant, or your livestock, or the sojourner who is within your gates.” “Well, it certainly looks like Sabbath-time to me, Moses! Let me climb up on this rock here, and…Zzzzzz…”
- In 1956, as her career was truly taking off, Leonard McCombe shot actress Kim Novak for a major cover story in “Life” magazine. “Eyes Right” is executed with almost military precision by dining car males aboard a New York-bound 20th Century Limited passenger train as Kim eases sensually into her seat.
- 12/9/1972: Apollo 17′s Lunar Roving Vehicle mysteriously sustained catastrophic damage to its right rear fender. Astronauts Cernan and Schmitt taped the extension back in place, but due to the dusty surfaces, the tape did not adhere and the extension was lost after about one hour of driving, causing the astronauts to be covered with dust. To this day, the cause of the damage remains unknown.
- SKG: “Dick, here’s the plan: if they ask any questions about Haliburton, make sure you tell them…Zzzz…”
- Cheney: “Gotcha!”
- 1/30/1941: “I have no idea what you’re shouting about, but excellent job getting the media here, guy. Hearts, and minds. Hearts and mindzzzzzzzz…”
- 3/2/1962: Asked if his record-setting 100-point performance was due, in part, to being guarded by a 6’1″ white guy with little-to-no apparent athleticism, The Stilt responded “I gotta tell you, the fact that he fell asleep on the court with 1:28 left in the first quarter, and didn’t move from where he fell until the third quarter horn went off was a BIG help. In the fourth quarter, he was face-guarding me with his back to the basket pretty good there for a bit, but then, you know, he fell asleep again.”
- “You know who always loved ‘Tom & Jerry?’ That sweet, sweet Markie…Ah, yeah. What a non-threatening name…Markie…Maaaaarrrrrkie…Zzzzzz.”
- Mahtma Gandhi: “Each night, when I go to sleep, I die. And the next morning, when I wake up, I am reborn.”
- Jawaharlal Nehru: “By my count, the gentleman behind me has never been more than 58 minutes old.”
- “It’s a world of laughter, a world of tears…Mmm-kay? It’s a world of hope, and a world of fearszzzz…”
- The Sleeping Venus, also known as the Dresden Venus, is a painting by the Italian Renaissance master Giorgione. The painting, one of the last works by Giorgione, portrays a nude woman whose profile seems to follow that of the hills in the background. The painting was unfinished at the time of his death. The landscape and sky were later finished by Titian, who later painted the similar Venus of Urbino. Upon x-raying the painting in 1972, to determine how much of the original brushwork had been altered by Titian, executives from The Louvre found, under layers of paint, a figure of a slumped-over, confused, sad-looking man just behind the sleeping Venus. It remains a mystery which master artist painted the figure, but it is believed to have been included in the work to illustrate the flip-side of the inherent beauty in sleep, which is personified by the image of Venus.
- “I don’t know how you guys manage to sleep standing up, Ed. I have to at least be sitting down, slumped slightly forward, and in public, before I can hit the hay. Ha! Get it, Ed? Hit the hay? Why the long face, Ed? Ha jeez…Zzzzz.”
- Coach Phil Jackson: “In order to fully grasp the notion of the triangle offense, you have to live the triangle offense. You have to eat, sleep and breathe the triangle offense!”
- SKG: “One outta three ain’t bad, Coach! Zzzz…”
- 7/10/1960: On the eve of the Democratic National Convention, JFK, RFK, and SKG discuss their strategy. Just as it seems the trio have decded on having “Rawhide” television star Clint Eastwood yell obscenities at an empty chair on stage, SKG passes out cold, and the decision is made for JFK to instead deliver his “The New Frontier” speech.
- While SKG snoozed for an incredible 21 consecutive hours in a seated position on the edge of the hotel bed, JFK was inspired to write the lines “That is the question of the New Frontier. That is the choice our nation must make–a choice that lies not merely between two men or two parties, but between the public interest and private comfort–between national greatness and national decline–between the fresh air of progress and the stale, dank atmosphere of “normalcy”–between determined dedication and creeping mediocrity.”
- 12/21/1970: Elvis met with Nixon at the White House. Presley bestowed gifts upon Nixon, including a World War II Colt 45 pistol in an oaken, handmade box; and some personal family photographs. Upon seeing Nixon’s “Special Aide of Secretly Audio-Recording Conversations” keeled-over at a desk, Elvis got the idea to ask the President for a gift in return: to be appointed the first “Federal Agent-at-Large” in the Bureau of Narcotics and Dangerous Drugs.
- “Lookit that gawldang ol’ boy over arr, President Nixon! Slumped over, eyes that cain’t see, and a river of slobbers coming out of his dang ol’ mouth, messing up your fine mahogany desk, Sir! Well, I just can’t abide by that, man, even though he does look like a big ol’ teddy barr.” Elvis did not receive his appointment however, as the job was bestowed instead upon a young Nixon supporter named Travis Sakrisson, in a political act of patronage.
- As James Brown toured through the Macon, Georgia neighborhoods in which he grew up, he recognized the fear and hopelessness on the faces of the minority children who were convinced they had no way out of the ghetto. With less than 5 seconds time to process the idea and set up the show, The Godfather of Soul; The Hardest Working Man in Show Bidness; Soul Brother Number One; Mr. James Brown himself put on the most amazing concert of his forty-year career. Everyone, to a man, in the sweltering north Georgia town saw his depression change into unmitigated joy, save for the one visitor to the ghetto, who had arrived two days prior to deliver a subpoena, and fallen asleep against a car.